In over my head? Way past that.

Lately I have been feeling so in over my head. I can’t think straight, I can’t sit still wihtout thinking there is something I should be doing, and it has been affecting all the people around me.

Yesterday we went to look at a house I thought was THE one…although…how could it be that easy? It wasn’t. I saw this old farmhouse that I loved right in the area that we want to live in, we were beside ourselves. Needless to say, we pulled up to the house and it was DREADFUL! The house was literally on a cliff (a small one), the back enclosed porch was literally being held up by a large tree in the back and there was such extensive water damage it would take so muhc money to get this house in working order.

After being let down, I got so upset, I might almost go the path of depressed! I had looked at this house so much and thought it was the one, it was perfect, this was where we were going to live! So when we decided it wasn’t for us my first immediate instinct was to be upset. Obviously! But while in the car on the way home, Nick turns to me and says, “Are you okay? I’ve been worried about you lately. You have been acting different and I am just worried something is up and you aren’t telling me.” Now that I have had time to think about it I was appauled at what I said back to him, “No, I’m not okay, I’m miserable, I’m stressed and I have so much on my plate right now I finally had something to be excited about and it was justa huge letdown. I shouldn’t be getting so excited about something when I know it’s not going to work out.” It was silent for a second and his resonse got me thinking more than I’m sure he thought it did but he said, “You should be excited about this, I wish I was as excited as you are, it’s next to impossible for me to be excited when I know nothing about this process…”

Then this got me thinking, with everything that has been going on lately with school and work and house hunting and everything that’s on my plate, I have every reason to be stressed however I am taking literally everything I have been stressing about and putting it all on Nick. He doesn’t deserve that. That’s not fair at all! This perfect soul still sticks with me though, through everything. I tried reassuring him I get like this every semester and he assured me that I don’t. I guess I hadn’t realized how ridiculously negative I’ve been lately and he was right, I wasn’t seeing the bigger picture. We are getting a HOUSE, this is a big deal. Even going and looking at one made everything feel so much more real. It’s here, everything wehave saved for and researched about and prepared for, we are finally going out and actively looking at houses. We’ll be ok.

I need to learn to step back and realize under all the pile of things going on in my life I am happy, I have a great life, a great job, great family and boyfriend and above all people that will support me no matter what happens.

This post isn’t just for me but for all the people that are going through a tough time that seems like literally EVERYTHING is going wrong, trust me, I am there too. Debt, grades, health, no sleep, everything can add to make a huge problem so I have decided I need to take me time after this exam, I advise you to do the same. Even if its for ten minutes! Put on some soothing music, light a candle and just lay there and relax, it makes a worlf of a difference, I promise!

Be thankful for all that you have and tell everyone in your life you love them, so many things have been going on in the world lately that we all are very fortunate for the things we have and people we have in our lives being our biggest fans!

Until next time,

-L