When everything is going wrong

I received a phone call yesterday while at school, it was my boss. Telling me that my license had been expired the previous week, my first thought was, there’s no way I remember renewing it!  I quickly ended the phone call with her so that I could investigate. I looked on my desktop, where I store all my screenshots of confirmations after I purchase something. My state license is 80 dollars and I think I would remember if I paid it. So I casually checked my desktop, nothing. I checked files that I could have hidden away in a folder, nothing. I immediately called my mom to find out what was going on. She is a full time worker but had ended up being home for the day, she said,”Here it is, right on the table, letter opened but not filled out.” My heart sank into my throat.

Not only did this mean I wasn’t legal to deliver radiation but I had been doing it on an expired license…I’m so screwed. I called my boss back to assure her, I renewed my registration but not my license. Apparently this is a common mistake among technologists. She then continued to say “I should have reminded you. I’m sorry.” To many people they would think wow, what an understanding boss, and they would be right. However, in my mind all I can think about is, YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?! I am a “newer” tech and this is the first time I have had to renew my license since school 4 years ago! Everything is confusing to me and I thought I had everything covered.

I am not allowed to work now because of my license being expired and well, it being illegal for me to work. So a few hours later (after I know I can’t work again until my license is renewed) I get a call from our HR department. The lady was really nice and was telling me that I obviously can’t be working until I get my new license then she proceeds to state that “we can talk once you get your renewed license about what happened, why this happened and what could have prevented it.” I recognized those words before. I abruptly stopped her and said, “wait, am I being written up for this?” She responds with words that I wish I had never heard, “This is a writable corrective action, but we can discuss that further when you get your license.” My heart sunk even lower than it had before. Not only did this mean I would be written up for a SECOND TIME, but both times were human mistakes, nothing I did on purpose, no harm, I didn’t kill anyone.

The first thoughts going through my mind were, I’m going to lose my job and I’m trying to save for a house! What am I going to do about all this money I am going to lose? Once you submit your paperwork for a renewed license, it can take up to 30 DAYS to get your new one in the mail. I can’t be out of work on unpaid probation for a MONTH!! I begin to panic and think to myself, you did it again, you really messed this up. I couldn’t stop them. The tears just kept flowing until I was literally sobbing. My work is half of my life now, I work enough to make extra money and save for the house Nick and I dream about almost daily. The second writeup I have gotten and all I can think about is if I would have stayed on top of everything, I wouldn’t have gotten this write up. Then I think again, if my boss knew, and she said she should have reminded me, isn’t that also partly on her?

The shifts were covered and everything was taken care of, beside the fact that I am feeling as low as I can be. Since the events of this past weekend, [Comparison is your worst enemy], I feel like things just keep adding on, thank god I worked that double last week and worked those extra shifts for the money I’ll be losing. This weekend/beginning of the week has been horrible. I have just been super depressed and after nick and I went and looked at all the potential houses our realtor has sent us, we want a house more than ever and want to save so bad but I currently have no income, fantastic.

Are there any ways you guys deal with stress and things like this happening to you? I could really use some relatable help!

-L

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5 Replies to “When everything is going wrong”

  1. Wow! A lot of emotion and understandably so! I’m sorry this all happened, but, these things are part of life. At this point, dwelling on it will only make YOU feel worse. It can’t be changed now and if you do get written up, then there’s nothing you can change there. But, what you can do is remind yourself that no matter what, you’ve com this far in your life and you’re ok. Nothing is ever perfect. Things happen for a reason, although the meaning isn’t always known or right away. I know you’re stressed, but when I go through things like this, and I definitely have, I stop, and deep breathe. Blow all your air out, and deep breathe in 4 or 5 seconds until your mind calms. Let your mind rest. Everything will work out as it should. Jobs are jobs. People in HR are either sticklers for the rules or they understand you’re human. I would wait for your meeting with her to find out if you’ll still have your job. Getting written up is tough. Not working for possibly 30 days is tough, but you’ll make it through. Do you and Nick live together?

    Please don’t get mad at my next statement. It’s the Mom in me. No judgment, but I’ve learned my own lessons here. As far as your boss, while understanding, it is your responsibility to make sure you got your license renewed, not hers. Imagine how many people she has to be responsible for. It is our jobs to take care of our stuff. I’ve been where you are and blaming someone else never works. My Mom would have told me that I could have called to find out all the necessary steps. She’d be right. And I would hate that she’s right, but would secretly know she was and never tell her! Also, you’ll continue to grow as a person when you hold yourself accountable. Sounds like you’re doing great! This one setback is not the end of the world. The fact that you administer radiation is super cool! That took focus and time!

    This too shall pass. You’ll be ok.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are the nicest stranger I’ve ever known! Thank you for your kind words and you are right, it was my responsibility but unfortunately I am new to this and have not had to renew my license yet, lesson learned for sure!

      My mother also said the same thing and trust me, in the future I will only be relying on myself and no one else! I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I agree, this has passed.

      I did get written up and it was a final written warning but like I said to the lady in HR, this will NEVER happen again and I can be sure of it because it already happened and its just as bad as I could have imagined it would be!

      Thank you for reading and responding ❤
      -L

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you!

        I have a 24 yo son and 21 yo daughter. You’re just now learning your way through this thing called life. I’m 45 and adulting definitely sucks sometimes! My daughter is famous for saying she’d like a break from adulting. It’s bills, work, home, repeat. It’s what you do in between that makes your life truly happy. The people yo share it either, the experiences you have and the continued personal growth. These are forever.

        I was recently talking to one of niece’s friends, who is your age, and she said she’d been through the hardest time in her life. I told her that life is always a series of ups and downs and that there will always be hard times. That’s part of being human. You haven’t felt the most joy you’ll ever feel. There’s more to come! You’re 24. You’ve got at least 70+ more years to go!

        Liked by 3 people

      2. You are so right, it’s very tough to think the world isn’t crumbling daily. But I have recently realized that what negative people say and think doesn’t matter to me so maybe I can see that I have time to change things I don’t like. You sound like you are a fantastic mother! Thanks for your words of advice!
        -L

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thank you. And, thank you for sharing your life with us. It’s nice to see other young people write. While my daughter tells me pretty much everything but I don’t always remember that she is an adult. Well, she will never truly be an adult to me, but reading your words makes me think of what she is going through! Thank you for that!

        Liked by 2 people

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